To Anon - To Myself

Anonymous said...
"surely we are entitled to a holiday too and not to have this pressure during Easter?"stop whining... 'entitled'?? Do you want this education or not? It's not a freaking party, you have to earn it, loser.
1:06 PM

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If it had been made with a name to it I would be completely respectful of this persons opinion however harsh - but as the person did not have the honesty to admit to their comment as far as I am concerned this is MY Blog - so no holds bared!!!!!

There is no reason at all why I should have to defend myself from this comment -

But also why not? - this is my learning journal and Anon's not very nice comment has made me realize WHY this degree and my education is so very important to me and why therefore I get so upset if I do not get the help I need.

It is because my situation is the very opposite from the assumptions Anon made about me and my reasons for being so angry that the deadline was set for a time there was so little help available and when I need to spend time with my own family.........

I have some questions for Anon - I have to ask:

1.does ANON have a family? Does ANON have children who need their time over the school or college holidays??

2,If you do - are you the main care giver for your family or otherwise take a key or active part?????

3.Why did Anon feel he could be so totally RUDE to me?..............

(I'm sure Anon is a he and I am sure I know exactly who Anon is - I could be wrong?)

Yet despite his total rudeness Anon didn't not have the courage to say fucking ?? ????

A bit of a cop out the word freaking don't you think Anon ?? well I do!!

If you have to abuse -do it in your own name and have the courage to do it properly - I have suffered abuse from those better at it than you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do not say what I said lightly - this degree is VERY important to me and VERY important that if I am to do it I get the support and feedback I need from the LF and support from the college when I ask for it within reason.

Education has always been very precious to me and something that for me was hard won so I know very well you have to EARN it

I would ask did Anon look at my work in Plone? - if they had they woulrealizese how much effort I have put into this over the last month?

And while there is no reason why I should defend my self against these totally wrong assumptions but I am going to tell my story anyway

-So Anon - I will tell you why you are just so wrong whether you are interested or not.

- I have had to fight tooth and nail for every bit of education I now have had and to get to the point where I am now a qualified teacher and lecturer with an HND in multimedia and web design - all of which I am VERY proud of and justifiably so given my background.

As a child I was considered to be educationally 'sub normal' as it was called then and was in the ‘special’ class for all but art and funny enough human biology which I was good at! ( a teacher once even called me a ‘cretin’ and also my brother who has similar problems but now has a PHD as he also strived hard to overcome his similar difficulties, I have not yet got to this point ( a PHD) but I hope to one day be called a doctor too)

So at school due to very bad dyslexia and worse dyscalculia, my schooling failed me completely as I was considered un- teachable, From age 12 to when I left at 15 most teachers refused to mark my work as they considered my bad handwriting and mistakes to be in part deliberate and due to naughtiness as well as my being Ã?‘stupedÃ?’ as well

I was often told I was ‘stupid’ at school – education was very different then than now and I could tell you many more true stories of my appalling schooling but maybe I will save all this for another time when I need to offload it- or maybe I wont bother as no one ever listens anyway.

I left school at just 15 around 1968 with no prospects at all beyond the assumption that I would soon have children and my education did not matter to a working class 'daft' woman like me. I also had other personal problems due to being abused for several years as a child

Having left school as a victim of a 50s and 60s divisive secondary school education that could not cope or understand dyslexia and less so dyscalculia at just 15 with no qualifications at all - I then worked full time often in very hard menial jobs in factories and one of my first jobs was as an ancillary in an old style mental hospital wiping poor geriatric and psychotic patients bums.

I could tell you some more stories of the abuse of the patents, - the horendous bedsores, the riddicule, the lack of dignity, the abuse - I saw there as a very young women and the horrors – it was a very different NHS then too!! But again this may be for another time..........and maybe another place???????????????? maybe never....................................

Life was hard and at 17 I had a breakdown and was sectioned in the same hospital I worked in –

this was a horrendous experience and the drug treatment I was given appalling, in addition it took me years to get away from the stigma of mental illness. I was only in the hospital for about 3 months and have never been admitted to a mainstream psychiatric hospital ever again – and I am now 53 and totally sane despite all so this will not happen now – but this experience has followed me for many different reasons for most of my adult life – it changed me I would never be the same ...

Anon - have you ANY idea what I am talking about?

I then worked in manual jobs ranging from factory work and for two of those years as a dust person starting at 4am in the morning – and by the way I am a very small woman, not physically suited to this work but I just could not bare to work inside on factories etc anymore and I had no qualifications for anything else and with my history this was all I could get.

But the good part of my life at the time was that in my little spare time since I was discharged from hospital I had worked voluntary with other disadvantaged young people – my reasons were that I wanted to try to help other young people with difficulties not to suffer the discrimination and lack of opportunity I had.

I then started to educate myself at Kingston Further ED college at night classes after work (having got up at 4am and I also had a weekend job as an usherette in a cinema. I was by then 25 and pretty exausted most of the time ...........

I did at the further ed college what were then called o’levels and then went for a special entry examination at London University to get into teachers training at what is now called Roehampton institute and no one was more surprised than me when I got in!! around 1976

However I was not ‘allowed’ to do the teaching degree because I had no proven education Ã?– only o’levels and no As and a very bad school record.
Which is why having done 3 years teacher training I was not given the option to do an extra year and turn it into a degree.

So this explains why nearly 30 years later I am here still trying to get that degree!!!!

But now I am not doing it only for me but for the women I support though www.pni.org.uk

But at that time I was not that concerned about not being able to do the degree. I wanted only to get out there and do the work – it was my aim to teach disadvantaged and children with learning difficulties like I had been and do my best to help them get out of the education trap.

This level of academic work was not easy for me as there were no computers then (which in later years have been my lifesaver academically) and I still could not write without lots of mistakes and in those says 4000 word essays had to be written by hand – I had to fight to stay and work twice as hard as anyone else and in the first year before I really got the hang of academic work the college threatened to ask me to leave as they did not think I was educationally up to it.............
But I worked hard and turned it around and the rest as they say is history.

I did a youth work option while at teachers training too and having left with no degree but with a qualification ( Cert ED) in secondary schooling and the equivalent of a diploma in youth work with distinction so I taught for a while but eventually went into youth work professionally and worked from the late 70s until 1999 as a youth worker with young people with personal and social problems some with mental health issues – most of my work was small therapeutic group work .

If you read my work for the module you will read about what I do now

So you tell me again Anon I’m a loser and I do not EARN everything I have ever done!!!!

On your Bike!!

Very Angry

The Learning Facilitator Stephen covering the modual disscussion page for Alison - Wrote this - when what I was actually - and very clearly asking for was someone to READ my work so far and give me some personally tailored and REAL help!!! I think this is reasonable and the least I should expect at this stage!!! - on our first module!!!

Posted by Stephen at April 20, 2006 09:46 PM

We assess the body of the report, not the appendices as they are just supporting eveidence. The maximum limit is 4000 words and when submitting you shoould stae that 4000 words is the length of the report - no more! If you state that you have gone over the word count, then a 10% will be deduction will be applied to your mark. http://web.apu.ac.uk/anet/students/ugassess_regs/pt6.phtml There are, however, grey areas, for example, how many words does a piece of video count for? In addition, dont't count the following... "In determining what counts as text within the word limit, abstracts (if required) indented quotations, tables, figures, diagrams, footnotes/endnotes, bibliography and appendices shall be excluded. However, footnotes/endnotes must be contained within reasonable limits and should be used for reference purposes and not to extend the text. help you to improve your skills. However you produce your work, please remember to number your pages and write your SID number on each. This is, of course, very easily done using headers and footers." The rules are clear, but don't lose sleep over this, just state no more than the maximum word count and be sure it is clear to those assessing your works that when they read it that it is within the spirit of the regulations - they may count but only if it is obviously excessive.

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Is this an answer? The rules are useful but by now I have glened them form elsewhere - I have repeatedly asked for a LF to READ my work – and all I get is a meaningless stock answer – I was expecting a sort of virtual tutorial , perhaps a Skype phone call , so we could go through my work together and help me decide what I can cut our and what I can't (i.e. what is essential)

And its too late now!

If it was not a HUGE problem for me I would never have asked – I had already tried the peer review and while people were complimentary and some did mention I needed to cut it down, no one as been able to help me with HOW!

I have asked and got peer reviews I did this before asking for LF help, as I still felt I needed more help. I do not feel we as peers can at this early stage decide what in module work is important and what if necessary can be dumped with no lose of marks. Maybe further along the line when we have done a few modules and understand at an intuitive level what is important to include and what is not for the purposes of this Degree, then we can offer each other this kind of feedback and support – but not at this stage.

So I asked clearly in Plone for a Learning Facilitator to READ my work and given me an opinion and I feel that the facilitators on this course have badly let me down – first of all a deadline unacceptably just after a holiday (surely we are entitled to a holiday too and not to have this pressure during Easter?

This is very bad timing all round a deadline at the end of a holiday where some LF's are away and even if not away are probably are spending time with their own families - as I would very much like to be - and the deadline being just after a weekend when for the 3 days leading up to it researchers are bound to be struggling with their final presentation and need some feedback but as LF have families too - they are less likely to be around

but we are all busy people too!

and then my LF goes on holiday herself over Easter -
I expect now for saying this I have scuppered my chances of any further help from Alison or even may get kicked off the course - as I know from being a lecturer myself that it is considered unacceptable - not necessarily openly but it does not go down well - for a student to make personal comments about lectures lives - but I never had these divisions.

What I am saying is not actually intended to be personal though at all. As far as I am concerend it is up to LF when they take theri holodays .I guess if it is OK with their employers than LF are entitled to whatever time off they wish and when. This is just my anger at the lack of cover if any LF is to be away at this crucial time of our first module submission!

As it would have been OK if someone had been able to take Alisons work over properly and fully cover for her holiday by giving students proper support at this time - which near a deadline we are bound to need extra support.

I could very much have done with a Skype call while I was doing the work from a LF even is only for reasurance and just to show and interest and maybe a personal email from whoever was covering Alison to say she was away and they would be covering - or even an email form Alison to say when she would not be available and to give me the email of the covering LF. The same email could have gone out to all this LF's researchers, so it would not have been just me.

As it was I learned that she was away on Plone - and then by the time I could spare my time to go back on Plone the message about my LF holiday was right at the top of the page and while it said two weeks - it did not give the exact dates - which I think is crucial when you are away at a time your students have a deadline!!


And then when I ask for help, ask for someone to read my work and give me some real help.................

All I get only this un -personalised and stock answer above

What I wanted - and indeed expected for my course fee was; in a situation like this whereby I have tried to solve the problem I had right from the beginning - of too many words – a situation I have already tried to solve on my own and with support from peers...........................

Was that at this stage I should have been offered an emergency tutorial , via Skype or phone or even email , with someone who knows the requirements and has actually read my work and is prepared to help me find a way of cutting down the word count.

I think this is a reasonable thing to expect when I was so obviously appealing for help and have had the same problem all along the module but have until now not bothered any LF or even my peers and tried to sole it myself!!!
So I think I am entitled to a bit of time???

As while the fee for this course is not as much as some Degrees I think I could expect at LEAST this amount of input from the LF.

After all what else are we getting for our money? (money I can not afford by the way)

No one has to deliver any lectures this is a VERY cheap way of running a Degree once you have paid for any software and the technician’s wages and admin.

I am very well aware how cheap it is to run anything on-line compared to face to face as I run an online community too. And the fact is that I can run my online PNI support group for 700 members for 6 months to a year for the cost of running a face to face PNI support group locally for a couple of months!!!

Online I have no costs for travel, premises, heating, light, furniture, crèche workers or other childcare, paper and other materials such as flip charts toys for children, even no tea, coffee and loo paper costs and cleaning costs? And it is the same with this Degree – it is a VERY inexpensive way of delivering a course –

All get for my money is an impersonal and stock answer and NO attempt whatsoever to actually READ my work and engage in a dialogue with me about it!!!!

So then I lost it!!

I am so angry and seriously doubting I should be on this course??

VeriteeXX

PS Does anyone ever READ this learning journal anyway!!

UNB26o2_LA1 - Consulting the 'experts'

I consulted several other agencies by email and by telephone to ask, ‘what in their opinion were the key things that someone in my work role should be able to do?’. The main agencies and ‘experts’ I have close links with are, Home Start and The Association for Post Natal Illness. The web addresses and some details of both are listed in appendix1a_websites.doc, but I also spoke to several others over the last month or so including, Sure Start, two CPNs, a health visitor and a GP.

The answers all gave very much concurred. They are listed below in no particular order:

Key Competencies of my Role according to other organisations and ‘experts’

Have a comprehensive knowledge of the subject and the issues involved ( perhaps first hand)
Understand the medical and treatment implications ( this came from medical professionals)
Empathy with those who have suffered
Be able to retain an over view and objectivity at all times and
Ability to formulate policy and direction
Have superb organisational, and delegation skills
Be able to lead and support a team
Inspire confidence and belief in the service
Perseverance and doggedness and determination to succeed
Time management and administration skills

A discussion with colleagues I work with UNB2602 LA1

Learning Activity 1 – Appendix 1 – Discussions with Colleagues

I was asked to:
have a discussion with colleagues I work with (recorded in my Learning Journal

So in various forms I asked the following questions. Some I asked face to face and others answered via email and still others via MSN. What follows is all the sum total of my discussions using various media put together.

A. What to you see as the requirements and competencies of my work role? In other words what skills and abilities and knowledge do you see is important for me to have to do the job I do?

Below are examples of the sorts of responses I got from different colleagues

I think you need huge empathy and sensitivity. And an ability to quickly articulate an appropriate response, and to research where necessary.
Your attitude has to be non-judgmental and unconditionally accepting. You need an in depth knowledge of your field and the ability to tailor the response to meet the emotional needs of the recipient.

You also need a very good insight into psychological matters in general (as well as within the context of the illness of PNI) so as to support staff and members alike. In addition to this, significant skills relating to running a web based discussion forum, which include the ability to keep accounts and to bid for money.

To have a wide range of knowledge and understanding of not only post natal illness, but other depressive states and tendencies which members may exhibit on the site.
To be able to give constructive advice on sensitive issues without judgment of the situations presented by the individual but at the same time show compassion and understanding towards members.

To have a high level of organizational skills in order to be aware of everything going on through the site, and identify members who may need extra support at certain times and encourage these members to seek extra support, whether this be through friends and family or through professional services such as GP's.

Communication skills – in writing, in person and on the telephone.
Ability to stand back and resolve conflict. Computer skills , to get the best from the system.
Honesty and diplomacy. Counselling skill (although not necessarily a counsellor)

To be up to date with current research into PNI

to be computer literate and to keep up to date with changing technology a necessary requirement for this role as the forum has many sections to it,
also the chat room. as more people join and new ideas are put forward, the forum needs updating to meet the requirements.

prioritize home and work- to be organizedmany things need doing as well as leading everyday life.

So to be able to prioritize your workload and complete tasks to keep the forum functioning effectively- ability to empathize, sympathize and give appropriate advicepeople come onto this forum with a whole range of problems.

Necessary to make them feel you understand and advise appropriately. Many people can't see what steps need to be taken to help themselves, so the ability to give appropriate advice is essential and many people don't know enough about the illness and are frightened by their symptoms, so also as well as educating them, kindness, empathy and sympathy are needed

B. What do you think the 10 things that are important in my job - can you list them in order of importance?

I thought I would ask my colleagues this question to compare and contrast what I felt were the priority of the 10 things important to my job – belongs in Learning Activity 2 really - not Learning Activity 1!

1 Ability to set up and maintain a web based charity/ Forum
2 Empathy with regard to having suffered PNI
3 Unconditional acceptance of the people who use the Forum
4 Ability to formulate an appropriate response to new members
5 Knowledge gained through continued support of others
6 Knowledge gained through personal study, research and professional development (conferences etc.)
7 Ability to mediate with regard to Forum issues
8 Ability to offer reassurance and support to staff members
9 Preparedness to be ‘yourself’
10 Account keeping


1 knowledge of illness/meds etc
2 empathy
3 kindness
4 organization
5 computer knowledge
6 knowledge of what help is out there
7 honesty
8 impartiality - so that you don't get too upset by what you hear

1 Understanding of issues
2 Excellent communication skills
3 Personal experience
4 Positive outlook
5 Multi-tasking
6 Knowledge of a range of mental illness
7 Prioritizing
8 Pro-active
9 Good delegation to moderators to help with work load
10 Knowledge of aid and services available

C. what skills and competencies do you feel that I have?

i.e. what areas do I do best? What key skills or knowledge do I bring to my job? What do I need to improve, change or get some counseling etc on?( be honest I really do want your feedback - don't worry if you do not feel you have known me on here for long enough - all comments are welcome

I feel that your ability to empathize with issues is an amazingly strong point of yours. ( thank you) People post on the forum with a huge range of issues and to make the person believe that there is someone there who understands is invaluable.The practical advice you offer is another strong point of the forum. You use your ability to research a huge range of areas and pass on this information to the person concerned.

Empathy and understanding. The ability to consider your responses and get things down on paper and the will to get things done.

All of the above!!!!

You have all the skills and competencies required
You have all the skills required – you do your job well and I do not think you can improve on the skills you have and I do not think anyone could do it better

I feel that you are excellent at empathizing with people on the forum and drawing on personal experiences in order to help others.

You always manage to add a note of positivity on bleak situations which is so important when dealing with people who may be so 'fragile'.

You communicate advice without being judgmental and comment sensitively on delicate issues such as rape and self harm.

I think it would benefit the site if professional counselors were made available as, although I know it is not a medical forum but a self help forum, certain people may find it easier to talk to people online as opposed to counselors face to face, particularly with the nature of issues discussed on the forum.Maybe add a link to sites that may do this? (Don’t know if any exist)*

(*note-sites for counselors - they do exist but:
With regard to links to professional counselors we could do this and we have considered it. But one of the problems is with this is professional counselors are either allocated through the NHS or the person would have to pay privately - and we are unsure about the ethics of pointing women who have varying income levels to private counseling.However there are a couple of web site s that do offer private counseling online but the only one I feel able to recommend at present is the one I am registered as a counselor on is:
http://www.kasamba.com/Advice/Browse/ViewCategory.aspx?desid=1&Catid=10341
I personally do not have a separate counseling Diploma but part of my initial youth work qualification contained the equivalent of a Diploma in ‘person centered’ counseling, so I do some private counseling work but really running the forum just do not have any time for it anymore, and this mans that I have less earnings as I do all my work for PNI ORG UK voluntary but when I counsel I get paid for this - however I believe very strongly that help and support for PNI should not be just for those who can afford to pay.)

D. What training might it be useful for me to undertake or what from what you know of me and my role/work here would it be helpful to improve

Can't think of anything - honestly. I love the site the way it is and can't think of anything that would improve it. Maybe running a helpline, so there's someone to speak to, but I guess that would require more people to be available and so that they're appropriately trained to take calls from individuals and offer appropriate advice.
Possibly look to do qualifications in counseling as I think you would be really great at this!*
(*note I do have counseling qualifications – I trained in ‘person centered’ counseling)

I think you need to improve the problem of role splitting – which is very hard. For example you respond to members and guests with your own experiences and can very involved will this. So it’s hard to take criticism then of the site without feeling emotionally drained with dealing with it

( This last one is so totally right??? I realy need to do this and very soon!! - supervision I feel is a way forward on this for me??)

Questions for my Colleagues

The Module I am trying to do for my research degree - Investigating the Work Setting (UNB2602) - asks me to:

• 
  Interview my line manager to find out what he/she thinks I should know and be able to do (recorded in my Learning Journal)
• have a discussion with colleagues I work with (recorded in my Learning Journal)

So I thought that as far as I am concerned my colleagues are the women who use the forum including, guests, ordinary members, the moderators and forum advisors and I would count as my line managers our management committee.

Therefore rather than discuss this with people separately via email as we do all our work and contact online, I could ask people to give me some feedback both on the forum and here, so that some of the discussion takes place here in my learning journal.

I have put some questions on the forum for people to answer, which is about the work context of what I do on the forum and for PNI ORG UK - this can be found here if you want to answer these questions : http://veritee.proboards7.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=Announcements&thread=1144617648

But here I would like my 'colleagues' i.e those who use the PNI support board to use the comments facility to give me feedback about the support board and any aspect of my functioning within it that they would like to comment on .

So that rather than this be a dialogue directed by me via questions like the questions I have asked on the board, I wanted here to be as in face to face conversation /discussion. So your feedback can go in any direction you want it to and I will respond to what people want to feedback to me , in this blog.

Please just feel free to give me any feedback that you would like to? You can do this anonymously or in your own name or your forum username.

Thank You

Veritee

A related link for you to view

Time to Pull the Rabbit out of a Hat!

Module (UNB2602)
I am really worried now..

I have not been on the Ultraversity work or been doing the work really .

I sort of got stuck!!

First I wrote loads - more than 4000 words in itself and I was full of ideas .

Then Alison pointed out that I had already done too many words and not really done much of the module - and all my ideas just melted away and I really could not think of a thing to do or a thing to write. Not my learning facilitators Alison's fault at all, it was just how I reacted to this feedback

- I come over so confident academically but I have not studied for a long time so I needed to be told that what I had written however long, was good - not just OK , or acceptable - but good and interesting and worthwhile - I think I was looking to be told it was really good for me to feel it was worth doing

I rely on others for reassurance far too much when it comes to this sort of thing........

So I tried to get over the block by concentrating on the technology side as I enjoy this and so I made an e-book of a day in my life and I made a web page which I do not think will be wasted as I think will be part of the next module as it askes you to make a web page and explore web technology, see:

http://firstclass.ultraversity.net/~Veritee.Reed.hall/

But this did not really help the situation with this module as I am no further on and have less than 2 weeks to get it all done??? Having spent too long with messing about with technology which was not really the focus of this module


But my being unable to work was not just about being stuck.

It was also due to a series of things which meant it was all overwhelming to me - my old dog died and the very next day my husband was called unexpectedly back to sea - he was not supposed to go till the end of that week!
( he had been off for a while looking after me as I had an operation to reconstruct my leg and fuse my ankle to my leg in January)

And I am still not able to walk much and stand to cook etc , but he had to go back to work, which was a disaster as I was not really ready to take over the house, looking after our child who although 16 still needs lifts to college etc and I have only just started driving again and I am very nervous. Plus having to walk the other dog, looking after the huge yard and 5 cats as well plus a cow?? etc.

And of course we were all so very sad because we had lost a dog who had been a member of our family for about 15 years!

Then of course my husband took his laptop with him to sea - and I had been using his laptop to access University sites and to do my work as I find it uncomfortable to sit at my desktop for too long due to my leg - so all the data was on there and there was not enough time to copy it onto my desktop as he went so suddenly, so I had to start again with things I had not saved on my desktop!!


Then I found I could not sit at the desktop very long and when I did feel able to I had to give priority to the online community forum I run and what my work is all about see: http://veritee.proboards7.com

And these has been - as there always are - some very difficult issues on there which required a lot of my time

I really need to get my time more organised too as I probably could write less on http://veritee.proboards7.com and spend more time doign this course - indeed I am gging to have to if I am to get through it.

Then my desktop PC crashed big time and needed reinstalling, which all takes time - I used such a lot of multimedia programs and my desktop is about 5 years old now so I continually overload it and over stress it - so the OS usually falls over about every 6 months - but this meant I could not access my email as I did not have it on my old laptop as yet ............ so if any one has emailed me - sorry - I will look at it and reply tomorrow.
Then because I found sitting at a desk too uncomfortable I tried to get my old laptop working - which I did after I reinstalled it - but then its power supply broke and I have been waiting for another one which then came today - this now works so I can sit on a sofa to come on here now - so this should be OK again.

But I am behind on everything and REALLY STARTING TO PANIC!!!
As I have done very little of my module at all!!!!!

I think I am probably going to have to ask for an extension due to my PC problems - and this is only my first 'real' module !!!!!

I just hope I can pull the rabbit out of the hat in time with this one??